I'm worried about my marriage

My wife has been infatuated with another man. I've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and look away. But now I've found the bastard IN MY HOUSE! And what's worse is, it appears my in-laws are actually encouraging the relationship; since they are the ones who invited him into our home. Please if you ever see this man around town, give him a stiff kick in the nards! :)

A lesson about homonyms

If you know me or have read any of my posts you probably think I say some pretty cheesy things. Well now I have proof that I not only say cheesy things, I also think cheesy things. So I present you with my lesson of homonyms:

That's right: I was paring a pair of pears!

The sad thing is, as I was preparing some lunch for the little one and peeling the pear I actually went back to the fridge to to get a second pear just to take this picture. I know: LAME!