Long's Cash Cow

My son has been a little under the weather with a cold these past couple of days. The other night we ran out of cold medicine and so I made a trip to the Long's Drug Store across the street to pick some up. I perused the cold and allergy aisle, and to my dismay they were out of children's decongestant. I grabbed my phone to let my wife know (she had already made an attempt at Target, where they were out too), and was apparently very focused. As I was putting the phone to my ear a man shouted at me four inches away from my head scaring the bejesus out of me. My heart was literally pounding. I turn to look at who this a-hole yelling at me is, and I am greeted by the evincii PharmAssist machine (I believe evincii is Italian for evil).

Now here is where I think the conspiracy is. This particular Long's is frequented by an "older" clientele, and this machine is conveniently located within close proximity to both the Adult diapers and heart medicine. So this little machine on the back of the end cap quietly sits until some unsuspecting victim turns the corner and then it blasts information at you causing you to either poop yourself or have a heart attack. Coincidence? I think not.