RE:FW:FW:FW: I HATE YOU!!!

Of the many annoying things that occur in day-to-day office life, the “mass e-mail forward” has to be the worst!  At least three times a week I receive an email that is either marginally funny (hardly a snicker, usually an eye roll), a “see who your friends are/you’re wish will be granted/you will be cursed/you will die tomorrow if you don’t forward this”, or a “warning” email.  Don’t get me wrong, if you send me a genuinely funny email/video I appreciate it.  Problem is the people who send these emails out tend to send them to either “All-Recipients” or a huge list of people.  Not content to let the annoyance pass, several people feel the need to reply to these messages a la “reply to all”.  So it wasn’t bad enough that “Gang members in Fresno are getting into minor fender benders around town and then carjacking people when they confront them” now I have 20 additional emails that range from “that’s so scary!” to the simple “OMG”.

To compound this, my [personal] mobile phone is set to synchronize with my work’s Microsoft Exchange server (I get my work email on my phone).  A few months back my wife had to call AT&T wireless (our provider) to take care of an issue.  After her problem was “fixed” the operator told her that my line was well over its allotted text messages (200).  That raised a flag.  I do text message more than I make phone calls, but I’ve never gone over my 200 messages.  I called AT&T back and after several flip-flop answers it was determined that when my email is sent to my phone it counts as a message.  Now you may be thinking “Brandon isn’t email part of your data plan?”  I thought the same, and questioned this (as I have an unlimited data plan).  Turns out, yes indeed syncing with the Exchange server is counted on the data plan, but also counts as text messages (i.e. we get dinged twice!).  Blarg!

To make it simple I have devised some rules/guidlines for sending forwards:

1.  If you didn’t shed a tear from laughing or at least literally laughed out loud, don’t forward it
2. If you are my friend, you know it and don’t need an email back from the friend fairy (or whatever the “blessing du jour” is)
   
3.  The only wish that will be granted by including me in your “10 people by midnight” is if you wished to get smacked!
   
4. As far as curses, see #3
   
5.  If you think not sending an email will kill you, make sure a psychiatrist is one of the people you forward the message to, but change the subject line to “I need help”
6. Do not send ANY warning emails without at the minimum checking snopes.com 99% of the time it will be there, and you can thank me for preventing you from looking like a gullible dipsh*t.  Also if there is a link to snopes in the email, for GOD SAKE click it and make sure the link refers to the same story!!! (http://www.snopes.com)

This concludes my rant.  Now forward this to 10 friends by 5:00 pm or a dingo will eat your baby.

(ETA: Ironically as I type this I just received two more!!!)